they said they heard you say put it in my butt
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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