i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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