he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
