I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
