i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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