Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
