Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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