I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize