my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
