Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
