im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
