Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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