just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
