its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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