Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
