Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You ate ashes out of my bong
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
