Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
