I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
