i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
