i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize