i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
