i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
