I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
