Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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