This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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