She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
