Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
the raccoons are back...
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