i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
