ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
