Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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