I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize