The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
