i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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