for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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