I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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