I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
