I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize