Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
