just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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