Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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