Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
