theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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