Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
