I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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