okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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