no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
