So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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