I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
