Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
