I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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