she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
