As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
