if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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