I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
