My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
