apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
