I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
