So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
