just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
