Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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