i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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