69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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