shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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