Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
