I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
