he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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