The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
