so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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