Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm passing your future prison.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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