please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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