i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
