upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
