Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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