He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
