you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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