miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
