I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
