We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
