She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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