we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
