Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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