yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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