My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
