I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize