So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
