You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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