Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You can't motorboat a personality
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
