the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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