god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
