ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
