this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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