it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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