i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
