I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
