I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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