you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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