For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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