Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
