happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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