CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
