u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
