PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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