4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
