All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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