I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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