I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
