fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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