You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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