i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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