I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
