Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
